I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize