carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
