I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
