I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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