i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
well you can't waste a boner
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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