I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
