I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
