dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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