I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
