I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
