Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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