she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
