Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
