Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
