Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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