Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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