I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
