she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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