Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
