"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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