Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
