I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His hands were made for my vagina.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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