clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
