Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
