dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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