beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
