Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
