Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
