okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Houston, we have a blender
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
