oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
