he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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