Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
