During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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