The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
