I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
