38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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