Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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