I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
