my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
