so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize