just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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