Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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