just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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