Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
