3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You ruined the universe
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
