Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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