I cockslap morals
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
