it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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