You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I need water and some morals
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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