Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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