walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
