What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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