so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
