How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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