my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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