You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
