Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
