i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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