I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
