I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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