i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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