I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize