Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
