so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
