About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
