I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
