Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
