Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
