Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
